w00t! It’s back…Doctor Who series 4 

Just discovered this really clever comic

Toby: Robot Satan

So, what’s the etiquette for being given a card at work for someone you don’t know?

1. Grin, sign it in as nondescript way as possible

2. Enquire as to the person, go meet them, strike up as quick a friendship as possible, THEN sign it

3. Decline graciously while explaining the issue (they don’t know me, I don’t know them, etc)

4. Accept the card, wait til the person who handed it to you is gone, then discreetly hand it onto someone else.

Brilliant!

Cyber-vigilantes foil gadget thief

Pure Gold

Apple to release Vista fix 

War, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war…

Bored yet?

I sure as hell am.

Every damn thing is War.

War on Drugs.

War on Terrorism

War on Science

War on Obesity

War on poverty

I know The Chaser’s War On Everything is a piss-take of all of this, but it doesn’t actually make it any less boring and a waste. I’m so sick of hearing about wars of any kind. Sick of the mindset behind the concept of war, sick of the over-use of a word which equates to death, destruction, abuse and mindless agression, sick of hearing it used for everything from terrorism to overweight people. Sick To Bloody Death.

There are thousands of words in the English Language; are we so short-sighted, so lacking in intelligence, so devolved that we can only get attention by declaring WAR on it?

I find rhyming slang and alternative terms for things amusing.

Sometimes I hear wrong and there’s a term going around my head that’s not quite right, but makes me giggle nonetheless.

The latest is one from the king of sardonic wit, Yahtzee  Crosshaw of Zero Punctuation Reviews.

Lamp them one: the art of whacking someone in an irritated fashion, potentially over the head.

As stated, I could have heard it wrong; he’s got an accent you could use to butter toast (as opposed to one you can cut with a knife).

And as I sit here, listening to Barry Adamson’s Stranger on The Sofa album, I wonder first if I’ll have enough money to get tickets to his Melbourne concert, and then exactly why I’m still awake. It’s after bloody midnight!

<rant>

See, this always happens.

Oh, this is a Technical Writing blog entry by the way. Sorry, forgot to mention that; was preoccupied swearing protracted and extensive revenge against my document reviewers.

Documentation seems to be something that the IT industry has marked — unconsciously and astonishingly — as something that anyone can do right at the end with no preparation whatsoever.

I’ve been around for long enough to have this simple irritating fact proved time and time again.

And reviews; don’t get me started.

Well, that’s what this entry is about, so I shall get started.

I give my reviewers a fair suck of the sav, a reasonable amount of time to do their work; I leave them alone when they’re busy, I step away when they’re in meetings or kicking out code like a posse of kangaroos kick lost tourists who think the route from Perth to Melbourne will only take a couple of hours. Hello!! It’s over a thousand kilometers Morons! This is not Europe!

Where was I?

Reviews.

So earlier this week I said explicitly in a meeting that I needed review comments through by Thursday afternoon, so I could spend Friday putting them in ready for the release on Monday.

Three people in the meeting of 10 actually made an effort and  put the review comments in. I had to harass another one who I met in a meeting and sorted that out.

So it comes to Thursday arvo (that’s Afternoon in Australian for all you foreigners), and there’s nothing new. Good, I thought.

Then I decided — in my idiocy — to go around and ask the people in question if they’d mind Getting Off Their Arses And Review The Documentation Like They Said They Would And Were Reminded To In Not One But THREE Email Messages.

Well, I didn’t put it like that, the same as I didn’t take my preferred method of positive reinforcement and grab them by the hair and smack their foreheads against the desk repeatedly to make the point.

As I sit here, there’s fifteen additional comments been added to the page. And it’s Friday afternoon. And I am Not Fucking happy.

Yes, I understand that people get busy. Yes, I understand that they’ve got their own jobs to do. Yes, I understand that there’s a fine line between serious assualt and gentle reminders… but seriously, it’s bloody annoying to have all this CRAP dropped on you at the last Fucking minute.

</end rant>

Well, it’s official: iiNet Sucks.

I’m sick of being on hold to these guys. It’s like being with bloody Hellstra or Opt-Arse for frig’s sake! What IS it with companies.

No amount of “Your call is important to us” and “Our staff are experiencing higher than average call volume.” cuts it anymore in this world.

Neither do constantly being told “it’s time to go naked with iiNet…” and “…are you experiencing slow download rates with your dial-up connection..?”

I don’t care. I don’t want to be advertised at. I don’t want to be constantly told how hard it is for you to receive calls because the three people that are left in your call-center after your last hatchet-job on staff that actually do the freaking work can’t handle the volume of calls!

It reminds me of an ex-employer who, during one of the regular 6-monthly retrenchment cycles, fired the guy responsible for building the one application that the CEO of the company had declared was the best thing since sliced bread and would make the company bigger than Ben whatsisname.

Stupid!

So is being on hold for 15 minutes!

iiNet used to be a good company, easy to deal with, quick turnaround on service calls, connections and anything you needed really. Now they’re just like every other damn company out there: happy to take your money, happy to provide a bit of contractually obligated service (ie. phone/net connection) and CRAP at everything else that’s actually necessary for running a business.

Bottom line: if your staff can’t handle the number of calls coming in, then HIRE SOME MORE!!

I announce to the universe that I will never, EVER put myself into a position where I can be betrayed again.

After the debacle with my last housemates, I am still feeling knock-on effects in my life; bills are now beginning to roll-in and my incoming cash isn’t quite levelling-out.

It is — unfortunately — a difficult lesson to learn, but on some level I have to thank my ex-housemates for being the conniving, arrogant, self-centered, passive-aggressive, small-minded, abusive, nasty people that they have revealed themselves to be. Without your behaviour and your ultimate betrayal — refusing to pay the rent on rent-day as agreed and thus dropping me over $1500  into the hole — I would not have learned a valuable lesson.

For the lesson, I thank you, and I return the favour:

May you both live in interesting times.

Bloody Hell!

Netsorship… a soon to be coined word.

Governments have been trying to work-out how to control the net for as long as it’s been in the public eye.

And you expect China and others to do this, but The Land Of The Free is now at it too.

Not news? Perhaps…

What I found interesting when I was travelling overseas was that the whole world thinks Australians drink Fosters Lager.

As an Australian, I found this odd, because I’ve never seen anyone drink it in the mother country.

It’s been pointed out that “…it’s the stuff we don’t want so we ship it off to the poms…”

And as is mentioned in the following philosophical discussion piece, “…we find your American beer is a little like making love in a canoe…”

useful vegan reference:

Wikibooks – Vegan substitutions

Just the thing for this recipe:

Chocolate tart 

What kids are playing with today…

A PopBitch mail revealed this corker. Mummy, when I grow up, I want to harass ordinary people with a squat rod.

But further delving revealed to me the wonder of the children’s toy industry, at least the PlayMobil version:

Safe cracker set

The description of the “authentic” robbers cracks me up:

“…Set includes two robbers in signature undercover gear (plaid berets, sunglasses, and a leather jacket)…”

And you get a discount if you purchase:

Police Station with Jail Cell

I love this comment on the latter:

“…It is selected several times every day by children to play with. I was happy with the many features it has such as the jail cell, rotating camera, front desk, and there are several items for the police officers such as guns, stop sign, handcuffs, flashlights… “

This is one of the nicest, most elegant discussions on the state of homosexuality that I’ve read in a very long time.

Kudos to the author for this piece.

Was having an email conversation with His Nobleness over the weekend, and we got onto the subject of Anti-Depressants.

It’s always been my position that they CAN have value, but only if they are backed-up by hardcore work to get to the root-cause of any problem. When they’re mixed, when the patient is constantly bombarded with “try this one then, try this one then”, their brain chemistry is just getting screwed-around and no-one knows the true damage that this can cause.

The brain is not like the Liver; self regenerating, self cleaning.

So it was with some interest that I read this article today in The Age, which states, in a nutshell:

- Prozac and other antidepressants are little more than placebos

- The drug companies (surprise, surprise) tend not to publish the results of drug trials where the drugs do sweet F-A.

The question I have is this: Why is anyone surprised?

I just watched one of my favourite movies again: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

I’m not ashamed to mention that I’m constantly touched by it, it’s sad, happy, lovely… a relationship that feels so real you can touch it, with the good bits and bad bits, the underlying longing to connect with another human being.

Now I’ve succeeded in not blowing myself up with the gas oven… which I couldn’t get to light even though there was the smell of gas permeating the kitchen… and I shall sit outside on my new old table and 1950s wicker chairs.